Tag: Relationships

Counselling, Couple Therapy

Are you a Tiger or a Tortoise!

Couple Arguing

Are you a Tiger or a Tortoise!   In most couple relationships, there is often a tiger and a tortoise! Very rarely do I come across two tortoises but on occasion, there may be two tigers.   The partner who is ‘tiger-like’ tends to be the louder, noisier one who will get angry, shout, scream, nag, cling and blame when feeling hurt or upset. The partner who is more ‘tortoise-like’ tends to withdraw, go quiet, avoid talking and generally retreat when feeling hurt, upset or angry.   Sound familiar!?   When I explain about the tiger and tortoise this is normally received with smiles and knowing Read More

Counselling, Mindfulness Meditation

This is Real Listening!

listening

It is real work to be a good listener. Most of us don’t know what true deep listening is about. It’s called Generative Listening. Just knowing what Generative Listening can give you a new perspective about what is possible in your life and relationships. There are Four Levels of Listening:   Level 1: Habitual Listening where we are unable to hear anything that doesn’t agree with what we already think. We are trapped inside the world of our preconceived notions. Sometimes even on an unconscious level, we project the filter of our existing judgments.   Level 2: Factual listening is based on observing the world around us. It is receiving information Read More

Counselling

Six & Nine are Equal!

perspective

This is one of my favourite activities I like to do with couples. I draw a large number ‘6’ (or ‘9’ depending on how you look at it!) on a piece of paper. I then hold it between the couple and ask them what they see…one says they see the number Six and the other sees a number Nine.  ‘So who is right?’ I ask them. I tend to get smiles at this point and comments like, ‘very good’. Guess what…both can be right! That is the message…two people can both see the same thing but have a different perspective…and both be Read More

Healthy Living

Your Relationship Vision

Relationship Vision shared by couple running in field

The start of a New Year is a great opportunity to take some time with your spouse or partner to think about your ideal Relationship Vision. If you could wave that magic wand then how would you like your relationship to look…how are you: appreciating each other communicating spending time together having fun listening to each other sharing, validating showing empathy appreciating each other’s differences being affectionate, etc. What is the couple’s vision of an ideal deeply satisfying loving relationship? A shared relationship vision gives a sense of where the couple shares common ground. It can also be a way Read More