Tag: couple counseling

Couple Therapy, Mindfulness Meditation

The Story I Tell Myself

what is your story

The Story I Tell Myself   “He obviously does not care about me because if he did then he would contact me more often during the day”. This, or something similar, is a common frustration I may hear in my therapy office when working with a couple.   At this point, I may pause the couple and invite the one sharing to rephrase that sentence starting with, ‘The story I tell myself is that…he obviously does not care about me…etc’. It may be true that he does not care or it may not be true at all or perhaps partly true. I invite couples to be Read More

Counselling, Couple Therapy

Detox Your Relationship – The Zero Negativity Challenge

zero negativity

Detox Your Relationship – The Zero Negativity Challenge As you probably know, negativity is corrosive to any relationship.   Negativity is any transaction your partner experiences as a ‘put down’.   If they say it was negative, then trust that for whatever reason it was negative! Don’t try and explain your actions but listen to what their experience is.   Examples of negativity include: tone of voice, an eye roll, silence, criticism, shame, blame, deflection, disempowering, accusations, and contempt.   Negativity is any interaction that is experienced as devaluing or negating.   Achieving and maintaining a ‘zero negativity state’ is essential in a Conscious Couple Relationship. Read More

Counselling, Couple Therapy

Are you a Tiger or a Tortoise!

Couple Arguing

Are you a Tiger or a Tortoise!   In most couple relationships, there is often a tiger and a tortoise! Very rarely do I come across two tortoises but on occasion, there may be two tigers.   The partner who is ‘tiger-like’ tends to be the louder, noisier one who will get angry, shout, scream, nag, cling and blame when feeling hurt or upset. The partner who is more ‘tortoise-like’ tends to withdraw, go quiet, avoid talking and generally retreat when feeling hurt, upset or angry.   Sound familiar!?   When I explain about the tiger and tortoise this is normally received with smiles and knowing Read More

Counselling, Couple Therapy

Valentine’s Day: A Happy or Sad Day? (Free Give-Away)

valentine's day

  I hope Valentine’s Day is a happy day for you (& your partner or spouse if you are in a relationship)…but for many individuals and couples, it may not be. This is because…not everyone has a partner and even if you are in a relationship, it may not be as you wish it to be.   A few thoughts: It is normal for relationships to go through stages. The ‘Honeymoon Phase’ rarely lasts more than six months to 3 years. After this most couples encounter the very painful ‘Power Struggle’ Phase where there may be more arguments, withdrawal, less fun and feeling less Read More

Counselling, Mindfulness Meditation

This is Real Listening!

listening

It is real work to be a good listener. Most of us don’t know what true deep listening is about. It’s called Generative Listening. Just knowing what Generative Listening can give you a new perspective about what is possible in your life and relationships. There are Four Levels of Listening:   Level 1: Habitual Listening where we are unable to hear anything that doesn’t agree with what we already think. We are trapped inside the world of our preconceived notions. Sometimes even on an unconscious level, we project the filter of our existing judgments.   Level 2: Factual listening is based on observing the world around us. It is receiving information Read More

Counselling

Six & Nine are Equal!

perspective

This is one of my favourite activities I like to do with couples. I draw a large number ‘6’ (or ‘9’ depending on how you look at it!) on a piece of paper. I then hold it between the couple and ask them what they see…one says they see the number Six and the other sees a number Nine.  ‘So who is right?’ I ask them. I tend to get smiles at this point and comments like, ‘very good’. Guess what…both can be right! That is the message…two people can both see the same thing but have a different perspective…and both be Read More